Holly Goes Lightly

It’s always a worry when Liz Jones attempts to strike a blow for womankind. After all, she is to feminism what Bob Diamond is to ethical banking. Even so, it didn’t stop her from sharpening her pen and plunging it into the shapely heart of Holly Willoughby this week, when she branded the blonde TV presenter an ‘anti-feminist’ for daring to Tweet a picture of herself without any make-up on.

Obviously, no-one should be particularly surprised that the wicked witch of the south-west had managed to scribble down another poorly-constructed screed in between attempts to siphon 5mls of sperm out of some poor unsuspecting farm labourer. But even by Liz’s own pitiful standards, this was an appalling hack job.

The article itself was illustrated with a picture of Holly, all pink-faced and pert, alongside an image of Liz in all her own untreated morning glory. Sadly, the latter was enough to curdle a carton of powdered milk.

Always a slave to her own self-image, Liz has been nipped, tucked, tattooed and tanned. And yet she still looks like a ready meal that was reheated without first piercing the film. So we can hardly blame her for taking one look at Holly’s dewy freshness, and being consumed with the kind of jealousy that saw Snow White carted off to the forest with a burly woodsman.

The problem is, Liz doesn’t want to admit to such a basic human emotion, since they’re presumably as alien to her as writing an article with a point. So, instead, she’s conjured up a rambling diatribe that accuses Holly of being disingenuous for not admitting all the work required to maintain that ‘effortless’ beauty.

To be honest, I don’t care if Holly Willoughby sleeps in a hyperbaric chamber, or is visited by an army of elves who spend the night lovingly tousling her hair with a box full of heated benders. If she looks great first thing in the morning, that’s her good fortune. It certainly doesn’t make her an enemy to the feminist cause.

What’s less excusable is Liz’s own lack of sisterhood. When Holly does wear make-up, Liz labels her a drag queen, and when she doesn’t, she’s clearly lying about how little effort it takes to look that good. Damned if she does, and damned if she claims she doesn’t.

Given Liz’s own well-documented (I’m referring to the number of articles, rather than their alleged quality) battles with anorexia and bulimia, I’m genuinely shocked to see her attacking another woman’s appearance with such ill-concealed glee.  Maybe she’s just trying to have her cake and purge it.